therealbrianna | Come As You Are // Open Post

[ Her face falls serious. A bit sad, but more bitter than anything. ]

Some things are hard to forget, I guess. You may push the image out of your head but...

[ She pauses and takes a sip. ]

But there are some things you can never wash off, no matter how hard you scrub.

[ She manages a weak smile. ]

I guess apart from the boys who I know I can trust, the other boys, well... I can never see past the possibility that maybe their intentions are not as innocent as they want you to believe.

Fair enough. You do need more time, I think.

[Considering...]

I did not quite experience what you did, but I do know a thing or two about loss and not being able to open up to people in that fashion. Intimacy is as beautiful as it is dangerous.

[ She nods. Any advice or words of wisdom from Lia is important. Or well, anything she says to Brianna is. ]

Yeah, you can say that again. And I guess... It just sucks that my uhm, first time happened that way. I had no say in it. Didn't choose who I shared it with.

[Hmm.]

Can I be honest?

[ She doesn't really have to ask. ]

Of course you may, ma'am!

I really don't think that counts. This is not to be dismissive of what happened, just that it is in the past, and you are stronger, different, and better now, especially since you're not about to let something like that ever happen to you again.

[In a softer voice:]

You can decide your firsts on your own time, and in your own fashion. Those ones can matter.

[ She's never thought about it that way before. She used to focus on the negatives, the fact that it happened, and never about how she still had the power to decide for herself, for her future.

Hearing Lia say that is pleasantly refreshing.

She coughs out a small laugh. ]

Thanks, yeah. You're right. Never really thought about it that way, I guess.
I mean if I can fight off Briar wolves, what's stopping me from deciding how I move from here on?

[ Brianna looks up at Lia with a thankful smile. ]

Precisely. You've dealt with a fuckton of things. [Yep, Liandrin Delacroix swears, and she swears gracefully.] Nothing can stop you now, other than yourself.

[ She nods. ]

Mmhmm! [ Takes a sip. ]

And I promise not to let my past get the better of me.

Do what you can. You have a lot of people who can help you with the rest.

[Lifting her glass and downing a bit more, just to prove a point. She counts herself as one of them, after all.]

[ She's just silent. Silent, but smiling. She's taking this time to appreciate all the people who's been there for her: her blade, The Malice Kings, her mentors and teachers and her family, of course. She wouldn't be stable if not for them. She doesn't even want to imagine how things would be like without them.

Her mind goes back to their previous topic though, because ADHD. ]

Uhm, I'm curious though. So... [ She looks down at her glass and taps the sides with her nails. ]
...you know how I'm technically still young, right? The only concept of a relationship I'm used to are fairytale endings and well, high school relationships which aren't really dependable if I want to know about mature adult relationships.

[ She's searching for the words, a bit embarrassed that she's asking. People usually go to her for help and advice, after all. ] So can you enlighten me with regards to that?

[Well. She hasn't had a question like THAT in a while.]

I'm not exactly the best person to ask, I think.

[Is she hedging? May~be.]

[ Her response is quick, forgetting that she's talking to her mentor. ]

What do you mean by that? I mean you're old-- [ It slips. ] --enough...

I mean... Uhm... [ Lowers head in shame and stares past the table. ] I'm sorry, I didn't mean that ma'am.

It's fine. Age means nothing to me.

[Besides, she is amazing and incredibly strong and the rest of the World of Light and Darkness can go fuck itself if it thinks otherwise.]

I only ever fell in love with one person, and it didn't end as planned. That probably doesn't make me very credible.

[ Whew. She's glad Lia took it so lightly. Then again, such a small thing probably won't bother her. Nope, not one bit.

Just one person? ...Hikaru? ]

Oh. That's unfortunate, I'm sorry.

[ A slight pause to gather her thoughts. ]

But... The way I see it, people who end up with the person they wanted to be with but don't stay in love with them are even less credible, so...
[ She shoots a small smile at Lia. ]
...so asking you doesn't seem like such a bad start.

I suppose not.

[Considering, then, especially since she can't really avoid the discussion now. It's always a little difficult to start.]

Falling in love with someone isn't all that hard to do. It's staying in love and staying happy that are the tricky parts.

[ She speaks the truth. ]

That's actually true, now that I think about it. But what would you say are the things that make you even like somebody?

[ Genuinely curious, cause she feels like she's liked people in the past for all the wrong reasons. ]

I think that differs per person.

[Hmm, hmm.]

For me, I think I fell in love with Hikaru's intelligence first, and then his kindness, and then his loyalty. [She was such an idiot back then.] His looks helped.

[ She slightly melts in her seat. Stories like that can't help but tug a few strings in her heart. ]

Must be difficult to genuinely like someone for who they are, huh.

It's only as difficult as you make it. A relationship is something you have to work on until...

[Trailing off, as she remembers exactly how things fell through. Why things fell through.

It was all for the best, but that did not do anything to ease the pain. The loss.]

Until it changes for the better, or until you have to let go in order for the two of you to move on to better things.

[ She feels really sad now. Okay maybe Lia wasn't the best person to talk relationships with.

She tries to change the topic. ]

Relationships probably aren't for everyone. I mean, it's not written on the rules anywhere or anything, right? Besides, I have a feeling that some boys don't even know what they want when it's staring them at the face.

The same could be said for girls, really.

[Smiling a little, and pouring another glass. The empty bottle dismisses itself, and is replaced by something else: Grey Goose Vodka.]

I think, though, that the most important thing somebody has to do before even considering being in a relationship is to stop needing one and be certain that they love themselves.

[ She smiles at that, realizing that Lia's right; the same can REALLY be said for some girls. Especially...

OOH GREY GOOSE! She sheepishly asks Lia if she can have some as well. ]

Yeah, I understand. That's a totally mature way to go about it. Otherwise you'll kind of be like... leaning on each other, right?

[Of course she has. In fact, here is the bottle pouring itself for her.]

Yes. It's the worst possible thing, and I hate all of this 'your lover should complete' you business. Modern bullshit.

[Scoffs.]

[ At this point, she's just letting the bottle do its thing. Amazing, really.

She imitates Lia and scoffs as well. ]

Yeah, I really don't believe in that either. Some people should just... grow up.

Come As You Are // Open Post

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